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This is the only place I have left to talk to myself
I feel terrible Back.
See, I'm back again, for a moment of solitariness.
I need to write about this, or I think I might explode. So. I don't know whether he's avoiding me, or I'm reading too deep into the situation. I always have the notion that I'm quite unlovable. Seems that it's true, and at some point in life, everyone will start ignoring me or criticising me for who I am and what I did. I'm so emotionally unstable now that I'm crying just because he ignored me and logged off when I started talking to him. I never used to be like this. I should sever all ties, before it's too late, but it's like another one of my addictions. I can't quit. I can't stop staring at him in class, fantasizing about situations that I'll never be in with him, can't stop thinking if he feels anything towards me at all. I'm so self-absorbed that I start every sentence with "I". I'm trying to change this. My insensitivity towards other's feelings is notorious, but I myself can be hurt quite easily, as I just realised. I feel better now. I hate it when I break down emotionally like this. It's not like me to do this. At least my recovery time is fast. We'll just continue to spin it out for as long as we can, until I lose interest.
Don't look over my shoulder while I'm blogging
I want to get my ears pierced. Maybe it's like a "Buy 2 piercings, get one free" thing, then I can get 3 piercings. Hmm.
From now on, I shall blog random stuff. Serious stuff will be in my journal. So all those of you who follow my blog, i.e, 1 or 2 people, please consult me at school for further information on my wretched life. Thank you. --Platypused.
Traces of oranges
Today was tiring. I got soaking wet, then dried out again by riding a bicycle for 2.5 hours. Went all the way from East Coast Park to Changi Airport. Or rather their take-off fields. Now I think my butt is bruised by riding the bike for too long. Also, tried hands-free riding, but I couldn't balance it for very long. Debbie can't ride a bike. Amazing.
Fate: The strange
Today I went to MacDonald's to eat lunch. There weren't any free tables left, so I randomly asked a guy if we could share the table, and he was okay with it. It was a bit awkward, because both of us were eating and reading a book at the same time. Then I happened to look down. HE HAD THE SAME SLIPPERS AS ME. Total OMGWTFBBQ moment. I bought my slippers in Malaysia. Really weird coincidence, huh.
Then I went on a book hunt. Visited the National Library and Bukit Merah Library to find the new Christopher Moore book. Found and borrowed it. I'm off to read now.
14.12.2010
I'm 15. Which means even more responsibility, like, "You're fifteen! You should be able to blahblahblahyblah" etc. I don't really feel high now, because of work. Work is enough to depress anybody. But I can look forward to Friday fenzu... :/
Langkawi
First, some information. Langkawi is an island that belongs to Malaysia. It is quite close to the Malaysia-Thailand border, is 90%Malaysian, 5% Chinese, and 5% other. It is exempt from tax, so people go there to buy cheap goods like alcoholic drinks, chocolate, alcoholic drinks, food, ceramics, alcoholic drinks, cookware, and did I mention alcoholic drinks? Yes, wine, whiskey, vodka, beer, whatever. I drank half a bottle of Semillion Chardonnay and half a bottle of Merlot. Yay. I got slightly drunk, but no hangover. Langkawi has two main built-up areas: Cenang beach and Kuah town. The Cenang beach was really nice, the sand was white and fine, and HERMIT CRABBBBSSS YAYAYAY. Yeah. I stayed in the water for a whole morning picking up hermit crabs. I'm sorry to say that I plucked the claws off two of them, because I wanted their shells. In the end I didn't get the shells cos they were stuck in too tightly. NOT ONE SHELL WAS FREE. SADDD. The food was average, kinda Thai influenced. Mmhmm. And that ends my dissertation on Langkawi.
New phone
It's a Nokia 5800. Touchscreen and Xpressmusic.
I like the sound and the extremely clear video playback. It came out a few years ago but it's still good, although I can't play the bread jumping thing... T_T 8GB for a phone is really good. I can download lots of random crap without worrying.
What I lack
Human company.
Self-discipline. Diligence. Honesty. Well, I just saw pictures of my classmates having fun at the class chalet. While me, like the antisocial thing that I am, stayed at home and made life difficult for myself. Example: washing things. Wiping the furniture. Playing musical instruments. Watching cat videos on Youtube. Something only 40 year old spinsters do. It's the post exam doldrums syndrome that's pulling me down too, because I guess I'm just not cut out for whole days of staring at the computer. Anyway, seeing the happy faces on my classmate's faces makes me feel envious of their care-freeness. But I must distance myself. I will not become shallow and emotional. What good does it do, to allow yourself to be exposed to things that will eventually shatter and scar your weak, twitching heart? For some reason this reminds me of The Wizard's Hairy Heart.
New piano scores
Linkin Park piano scores! Yay. Should be enough to occupy me for a few days at least, I guess. I think I'm becoming a musical freak, what with the 3 instruments I'm juggling now(metaphorically). And also I'm worrying about my marks. It's an automatic thing. I shouldn't be worried, since the marks are already predetermined. I can only hope. Wishing doesn't work. I'm not such a soppy person.
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It can't be outfought / It can't be outdone / It can't be outmatched / It can't be outrun
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